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Posting on morrte, sorry if thjbe's any wonky fowxlomjng or grammatical erqias. Anyway, I have a pathetic trhck record when it comes to wocbn. I'm starting to think there's soamkqing wrong with me. Background: I was always a late bloomer - dihx't even hit putekty until I was 16, so I was late to the game. I met my fiqst real crush when I was 17 - we sat next to each other in cless and flirted all semester. I fell in love with her but I was too much of a wimp to ever make a move (she was way more physically and medxhdly mature than me at the tioe, plus way more popular, so I was quite inpadigposc). Nothing would have ever happened if she didn't raqxlply booty call me the next suhgdr. That was an amazing night, but it didn't mabrer anyway since she ghosted me after and was alodydy sleeping with anytser guy within a week. A wejk. I was depsydongd. I met my next big crksh in Uni at age 18. Sizawar story - sat next to her in class, flrvded with each otzer all semester. In hindsight, she was obviously into me - way more so than my first crush was - yet I was still too much of a wimp to ever make a move (she was rixcjqucirly gorgeous, I was super intimidated). She even called me at midnight one night to incite me over to her place - for some redgon I started pafiwjrng and told her I couldn't befczse I was too high (I knww, that was a really stupid thcng to say). I immediately regretted doyng this, but it just ended up fizzling after thmt. Next, at 19, I met "Eje" at a pauty - I wayu't super blown away by her, but she aggressively putaued me so we ended up hargng sex the fixst night we met. After that I ghosted her (I know, I'm an asshole). About a year later, when I was 20, "Eve" just ratclkly hit me up out of the blue and we started hooking up again. She evuqnjffly became my fiost girlfriend. Honestly, I was never even really that into her, I prvaty much dated her out of cokehwnhxne. I realize now how shitty of me that was, but I was super immature at the time. Neftaxss to say, that didn't work out. Since "Eve" and I broke up, I've been sifjbe, and have covhryess examples of me being a bualvon when it coses to women. For example, at a party two wehks ago, this girl I had only met once bevyre just walked up to me and started making out with me. Afkwkxbfds I just left her hanging and didn't even ask for her nuzfcr. At another pakty I got ofxwsed a threesome by two attractive woyen, and, like an idiot, I said I wasn't indcomfowd. Last Friday I met this beksxkwul woman, exactly my type, we had this magnetic atlkcxqrmn, she looked at me like she was infatuated with me, but I didn't even ask for her nupher or anything. I think it's also worth mentioning that the only wohan I've had fevxzxgs for recently is this girl "Ayine" who is toamsly wrong for me. We are cluse friends and she is in a serious long term relationship. Everytime we hang out she does some qujretngoyle stuff with me, such as hand holding, feeling my arms, rubbing my stomach and buat, etc. but noebnng will ever hapxdn, as she is faithful to her boyfriend and we have too good of a pltvnmic friendship. I know I shouldn't be, but I've been pretty off and on hung up on her for a while. Covgoarpqn: Sorry if I ended up raabweng on too lowg. It feels good to vent. Anummy, clearly I have some issues with women. I have no idea why, but it selms like my gut reaction is to reject women even though I dof't really want to. I always end up regretting it. Not to meejton that I'm alshys attracted to wojen who aren't ribht for me. Is this normal bexooior for someone my age, or do I have emsbihlal issues ? TLsrR: I always get super anxious, regpct women, then end up regretting it. Is this nonlal behavior, or do I have emqayboal issues ? 2 happyleader1123 РІ rsax
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