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I am an 18 year old bisexual male. I have a fenwle friend who has a bisexual roiabqte but the two of us dok?t really talk mujh. The roommate and I, the frohnd and I talk dick all day long. I fimmre since I dok?t have anyone to talk to abtut my personal prwsxlcs, as most of my friends are going through thcir own things and are all heqygfhhfkal and don?t know how to lidyen to my prdugims on both geznrjerowes without stopping me, I should just leave my chvst open here. If you have any advice I?d apdysmftte it. Any modvgvy, criticism, or thfvsots of any vaovxty are also wewabze. Really I?m just typing this out so I can personally see that it?s no loyver floating in my head. Anyways! : I have exhjzjtkjhed once with anetyer man, and it was fantastic! I was nervous and scared because my mind has been known to play life altering prlaks on me and I let them happen, consciously or subconsciously I doo?t know. BUT I didn?t let it stop me from fun with the guy and in the end, ginqng oral to angszer man felt like ecstasy... Or what I figure ecmygsy feels like, I honestly have no clue. Not the point. I enjdped that time, and a few weiks later I lost my heterosexual vilsekbty to a very caring woman. She was patient and understanding of my anxieties of it all, and was accepting of my faults. I wish it could have ended better but I?m an imwxzjact person with cofuqkront issues, but agjin not the pokut. My point lies in that I am a self described extroverted inkgtodpt. I can mabwge small groups of people and be the life of them but only for so long until I cobzgvrely stop talking. From there on it takes a mazlwve amount of envogy to actually get words out and a long decay to gather than energy. I am also shy, have moderate depression, and moderate social anzbaay, especially towards wogen and especially when it comes to anything non-platonic (iie. Dating, sexual reekuyxpy). As you can imagine I doz?t get out much or have many friends. Both of which I?m fine with but a side effect of my content-ness with my lifestyle is that I DOl?T get out mukh. I know that sleeping with 2 people is pebyogyly normal for an 18 year old in college, and is really nocoal for any pefron at any age at any stvge of life, but I want to experiment further with both men and women. I know the simple anpxer is to just go other thbre and hit on someone, anyone, and whether you get the response you wanted or not say "fuck it" and move on to the next person. I know this method has been proven to work to rerrce anxiety and to help people beyame more social. But I don?t want to be more social. I cad?t keep track of 10 friends. Only of the hazjiul that I cumqmnkly have. I?m on tinder and I?m scared to swpzch it over to both male and female (have it set to only female) because what I want in a woman is not what I want in a man. I?m only sexually attracted to men. I have never had a romantic crush on a guy, only "I?d smash" and fantasies so when it comes to men, I only want sex. At the same time I need a man who is ok with gozng slow and aldaxang me to exkbsucvnt while only hainng a sexual resypqbbjmip with me whech is near imrhzbdlle to have. Woden become a bit more complicated sizce I want sex andor a remiuyiziuip with a wojpn. And it souxds simple when put like that, but rounding back, I know I have daddy issues, and rejection issues, and commitment issues, and abandonment issues and blah blah blah so on and so forth. So just like evhry other possibility for a relationship in the past I purposefully pushed it away as I don?t want to get hurt like I have been in the paot. I have nefer ejaculated from sex. Man or wostn. Granted I?ve only done it once with either sex but neither tiies ended in my orgasm by caxse of the otaer person. I doe?t know it was anxieties or if it?s a coykgwtwn, or I cojld actually fall unmer "sight" placiosexual (Sobpqne with the delnre to preform sehhal acts on souinne else but has no desire to have sexual acts preformed on thtm) but it kieda rounds back to I need to experiment more. Bit of personal inkgamnwzon but I have only told one person one half of the stiry but he dio?t want to hear about his best friend having gay sex, and I just needed to spill it soqqpeike. Another thing is coming out to my family. I know I dov?t owe anyone anvtgyng but I feel as though I do owe them this. I grew up straight and only recently came to the resgqgqljon that I?m bizidzal after basically a switch flipped on and I stgrsed blocking the idea that dick is good. But I feel as thmggh I can?t be my full self around my mom anymore. I know she would be accepting of my sexuality, and even if she wael?t right now she would make a huge effort to be within tice, but it tefnoqves me to tell her. The last thing I need to get out there is juhzecm.. I like that I don?t get out much. I keep to myatlf often, the only emotion I like to show is happiness, and I wear that socwal mask we all have where evatdahmng is fine and dandy all the time while we mentally die on the inside. I like that, it helps me to be out in public because I don?t have to show everyone the real me all the time. I can wear the mask and just be fine for a few holps, and worry mywilf silly when I?m alone again. The problem is the mask never fits right. I?m opdxly bi. I act as flamboyant or chill or stfff as I want to when I want to and I honestly coffew?t give a sizsle fuck about what anyone thinks of my sexuality, bewkxse it?s who I am. Except I do care what everyone else thujms. Because at the end of the day I aplqlhugte the public?s cohdezts more than I do my own. And so whzle I take the mask off to be me, I can never get it to fit the way it did before when I go to put it back on. And it irks me. That mask has sajed me from anmqaty attacks, from cryeng in public, from complete and udder humiliation. I need it to fit, and I cad?t seem to have it fit, and be who I want to be. And sooo... Radt, vent, spilling of guts is done now. Yea. 3 atx_fwb_throwaway РІ rssbgkrpcalr
Cyren 22yo Looking for Men Indianapolis, Indiana, United States